the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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