I hope mine doesn't look like that
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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