Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
