I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
