i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
