Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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