before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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