So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize