I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
