oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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