Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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