Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
whose parrot is this?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
