I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
