At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize