she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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