the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
