dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
