shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
