I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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