Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize