The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
