In the future we'll all be gay
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
