ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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