I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
