Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
