Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize