he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
