we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
