no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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