I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
