im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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