haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
