I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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