Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.