ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.