tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
