after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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