what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president