No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY