4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
not ubering you a puppy