try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
either way he was missing a nipple.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
