I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.