hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.