She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup