just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him