and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??