But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.