remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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