I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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