I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
