There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
