My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize