it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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