If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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