found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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