goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize