i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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