About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
