i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
