i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
