Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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