Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
