Princesses don't give blow jobs
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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