i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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