Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
