im drinking this country out of the recession.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
